Family

How to set a boundary with a sibling over text

Sibling boundaries stick when they're calm and specific, not when they're a list of everything that's ever bothered you.

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Three ways to say it

Scenario 1

They keep showing up unannounced

What you'd type

“hey so i know you like to just stop by sometimes but honestly it's been kind of stressful for me lately, would it be okay if you texted first? i'm not trying to be difficult i promise”

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What to send

Can you text before coming over from now on? Makes a real difference for me.

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Scenario 2

They overshare your business with the family

What you'd type

“i've noticed things i've told you in confidence have been getting back to mom and i'm not mad i just really need that to stop happening, i need to be able to trust you with stuff”

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What to send

What I tell you needs to stay between us — it's gotten back to mom a few times now.

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Scenario 3

They ask for money again

What you'd type

“i really want to help you out but i've noticed this is becoming a pattern and i need to set a boundary around it, i love you but i can't keep doing this financially”

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What to send

I can't keep lending money — I need that to be a hard stop from here on.

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Scenario 4

They comment on your parenting/relationship/choices

What you'd type

“i know you mean well but i need you to stop commenting on how i'm raising my kids, it's really starting to get to me and i need you to trust that i've got this”

LessBot

What to send

I need the comments on my parenting to stop. I've got this — trust me on it.

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Common questions